Before Death
Loved Ones with Capacity
Questions To Ask Loved One:
Have you created an Advance Directive naming your healthcare surrogates?
Have you created an Advance Directive Living Will to outline what you do and do not want done medically?
After passing do you want cremation or burial?
If cremation, how should we release the ashes?
Is there anything specific you want said, played, or present during the memorial?
How do you feel when being asked these questions?
Loved Ones without Capacity
The role of the care giver/healthcare decision maker/proxy/surrogate is to act as the voice of the patient. During this period of time, when making decisions, to the best of your ability, speak for what your loved one would want in a given situation.
Checklist:
Breathe. Check in with yourself emotionally/physically.
Collect mementos/memories of time with loved one
Identify funeral providers in area (Chaplain has resources available)
Ensure the presence of loved ones: Gather family members and close friends to be present during this time. Offer support and comfort to one another.
Arrange for spiritual or religious support: Contact a chaplain, spiritual leader, or representative from your loved one's faith community to provide spiritual comfort and guidance.
Respect end-of-life wishes: If your loved one has previously expressed their end-of-life wishes or has an advance directive in place, honor their decisions and ensure healthcare providers are aware of them.
Ensure pain management and comfort: Work with the healthcare team to ensure your loved one's comfort and pain management. Advocate for appropriate medications or interventions to provide relief.
Document important information: Compile important documents such as medical records, insurance details, and legal documents. This will be helpful for administrative purposes after your loved one's passing.
Notify close contacts: Reach out to immediate family, close friends, and employers to inform them of the situation. Delegate this task to someone if needed.
Make necessary arrangements: Consider whether your loved one has made any pre-arrangements for funeral or memorial services. If not, begin making necessary arrangements in accordance with their wishes or cultural/religious traditions.
Support emotional well-being: Encourage open communication and provide emotional support to both your loved one and other family members. Seek assistance from grief counselors or therapists if needed.
Take care of yourself: Remember to prioritize self-care during this difficult time. Take breaks, eat nourishing meals, and lean on your support system. Seeking counseling or support groups for yourself may also be beneficial. (Pg. 33 for local support groups)
Consider after-death preferences: Discuss your loved one's wishes regarding organ donation, autopsy, and burial or cremation. If applicable, make arrangements accordingly.
Say your goodbyes: Spend quality time with your loved one, expressing your love, gratitude, and any unfinished matters. This can bring closure and peace to both of you.
Immediately After Death
What happens| What to do
Checklist
Contact immediate family members and support network
Contact Funeral Provider advise where loved one is and provide funeral information to hospital where loved one is
Locate documentation: Will, Insurance Policy Paperwork
Obtain death certificates: Order multiple copies of the death certificate from the funeral home for financial/legal matters
Collect meaningful belongings/mementos for safe keeping
Make arrangements for loved ones responsibilities – ensure pets provided for
Work notifications to loved one’s place of employment
Primary Care Physician Notification
Write Obituary – take your time and incorporate beautiful experiences that highlight who your loved one is to you
Hold Funeral/Memorial service. Funeral providers often have beautiful home like environments to honor your loved one.
Check in with yourself emotionally. Practice self-care activities to assist in your grieving process.
Ideas to Honor Your Loved One
Scattering Cremains | Turning Cremains Into Diamonds[1]| Visit Final Resting Place | Memorial Releasing of Biodegradable Balloons/Butterflies/Doves/Lantern (some place some of the cremains inside lantern) | Enjoy their favorite foods, music, shows |Plant a tree/shrub in memory of loved one | Donate to loved ones favorite charity or charity that is designed to support people like your loved one |Write a Letter to your loved one | Tribute Video with precious memories | Memory Time Capsule | Visiting Favorite Locations| Viking Sendoff[2]|Pacific Islander Funeral| Irish Wake| Treasure Hunt Remembrance Service[3]|Golf Themed (For the golfer)[4] |Beach Lover Memorial[5]|Bio Urn Memorial Tree[6] | Burning Man Festival Memorial (For the Free Spirit)[7]| Roadside Memorial[8]|Graveside Memorial Bench[9]| Creating Quilt/Pillow from Clothing |Create Scholarship name in Honor of Loved One| Necklace Pendant with cremains inside
1 Month Post Death
What happens| What to do
Checklist
Notify creditors, Utility Providers, Social Security, Veterans Administration, and Department of Motor Vehicle of loved one’s death.
Obtain death certificates: Order multiple copies of the death certificate from the funeral home, as you may need them for insurance claims, closing accounts, and other purposes.
File Life Insurance claim to collect disbursement
o You will need death certificate from funeral provider to process claims
Send copies of Death Certificate, received from Funeral Provider, to Credit Agencies to prevent identity theft
Send thank-you notes: Write notes to those who sent flowers, donated to charity, or helped during the funeral.
Notify financial institutions: Notify banks, credit card companies, and other financial institutions about the death and close any joint accounts.
Review wills and trusts: Review the wills and trusts of the deceased to determine the next steps for any assets or property left behind.
Address outstanding bills: Notify utility companies, phone providers, and other service providers about the death and pay any outstanding bills.
Contact government agencies: Notify government agencies, such as the Social Security Administration, about the death and any benefits that may be available.
Seek grief support: Seek grief support from family, friends, or a professional counselor to help you cope with your loss. *See Pages 33 in Being Prepared for grief support resources.
6 Months Post Death
What happens| What to do
Checklist
Continue with the grieving process: Grieving is a personal process, and it may take longer than six months to feel a sense of closure. Be kind to yourself and seek support from family, friends, or a therapist if needed.
Review finances: Review the financial situation of the deceased to ensure that all debts and bills have been paid, and that any remaining assets have been properly distributed according to the will or trust.
Create Advance Directives: You have been through and seen a lot. Likely you have seen what you do and do not want at the end of your own life. Use this time to create and sign advance directives – Living Will/Health Care Surrogate – to make sure your wishes are known/honored.
Consider memorializing your loved one: You may want to consider creating a memorial for your loved one, such as a plaque, a donation to a charity in their name, or a special event to honor their memory.
Seek legal advice: If you are the executor of the estate, seek legal advice to ensure that you have fulfilled all of your responsibilities and that any remaining legal matters have been resolved.
Plan for anniversaries: Plan how you will mark the first anniversary of your loved one's death, and consider how you will continue to honor their memory in the years to come.
1 Year Post Death
What happens| What to do
Checklist
Continue with the grieving process: Grief is a personal process, and it's important to continue to give yourself time and space to mourn the loss of your loved one. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if you need it.
Check in on legal matters: Make sure all legal matters related to the estate have been resolved, including any outstanding debts or taxes. Review the will or trust to ensure that all assets have been properly distributed.
Review your own financial and legal documents: Review your own financial and legal documents, such as your will, trust, and life insurance policies, to ensure that they are up to date and reflect any changes in your life.
Consider a memorial or tribute: Consider creating a lasting memorial or tribute to your loved one, such as a scholarship fund, a memorial bench or plaque, or a charitable donation in their name to mark this anniversary. Use this time to remember and create lasting family traditions.
Take care of yourself: Grief can take a toll on your physical and emotional health, so it's important to take care of yourself. Practice self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones daily (especially around anniversaries/holidays).
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[1] Turning Ashes To Diamonds: Learn About The Process + FAQs (2020). (n.d.). https://www.eterneva.com/resources/ashes-to-diamonds
[2] Viking Style Send-off. (n.d.). Creative Funeral Ideas. https://www.creative-funeral-ideas.com/viking-style-funeral.html
[3] Treasure Hunt Remembrance. (n.d.). Creative Funeral Ideas. https://www.creative-funeral-ideas.com/treasure-hunt-remembrance.html
[4] Funeral For The Golfer. (n.d.). Creative Funeral Ideas. https://www.creative-funeral-ideas.com/funeral-for-the-golfer.html
[5] Remembering The Beach Lover. (n.d.). Creative Funeral Ideas. https://www.creative-funeral-ideas.com/remembering-the-beach-lover.html
[6] The Urn - Bios Urn. (2021, January 28). Bios Urn. https://urnabios.com/urn/
[7] Burning Man Style Funeral. (n.d.). Creative Funeral Ideas. https://www.creative-funeral-ideas.com/Burning-Man-Style-Funeral.html
[8] Painter, S. (2020, August 25). Roadside Memorial Facts and Ideas. LoveToKnow. https://dying.lovetoknow.com/about-obituaries-memorials/roadside-memoral-facts-ideas
[9] Graveside Memorial Benches - Cemetery Granite Benches. (n.d.). Memorial Planning. https://www.memorialplanning.com/funeral-products/memorial-benches
Sam Williams, MDiv, BCC | President/CEO
Professional Crisis Support Chaplain
Connecting Humans Mobile Chaplaincy
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